| Someone asked who I am.
Someone asked where I come from.
Someone asked where I'm going to.
I have no answers but a story to tell.
All began more than two hundreds years ago. I remember that middle winter day as I still were there, laying on a snowy soil, staring at a gray sky and asking myself what I could have done with the time I had been given.
"Time for what?" you may ask.
"Time to choose whatever my destiny would have been." I will answer.
While making a float silver sphere of pure energy flying from one hand to another, with the sight completely lost into the immaterial essence of that cold wind, I heard a rumor, just behind the trees around that little white square. But most of all my attention had been lightened by what I smelt: putrid, marciscent, bloody smell. I hated it and ironically I couldn't afford to live without it.
"They're only twelve?!?" I thought quite disbelieving.
Rage grew faster, too much faster.
"When will you understand? When will you learn to fear me?" I shut.
They came out. Slowly, as usual. Slowly they started walking, towards me. "This is no sense" I thounght. "No sense at all. They should know they're going to die. Of course they do. Everytime, bloody Trollocs, everytime the same story. Is this a test? There's someone I can't see around, staring at me? Whose bloody cretures are these ?".
Only silence. The snow lifted by the wind flew between me and that dead flesh walking. That time no fire went out from my hands. Nor any lighting. I started rotating, with movements born from the dance of a muse. So sexy, so amazing, so deadly! As I had always used water as a weapon, thouasands of icy darts squirted out from all my body and went in circle right towards my enemies. And through all that mess of icicles a huge white crystalling sphere of ice proceeded slowly. I sensed how powerfull it was. In less than a second all those Trollocs became ice and then exploded. They were died. As usual. I was stronger. As usual.
And then...
"Aylee" one of my sisters called, and I woke up.
As usual.
As every bloody day, after every bloody night.
The room was as ever... brown. This is the quickest way to describe it. Simple and brown. The writing desk and the bed (brown) were close to each other, since I liked to wake up in the middle of the night and keep on studing on what I had been on the night before sleeping. All shelves and bookcases were completely full and even if I've ever loved the order, some paper were on the floor, reminding me this room was going to be too small for me.
And my life too.
Sherinna was standing right in front of my door, opened on the widest cloister of the Tower. Everyone told me that was not the right place for an Aes Sedai apartment. Those were Novices', but I didn't like spending my time with other Aes Sedai. I long preferred younglings, coming up from all over the known world, having so much tales to tell. I learnt such a lot of stories and legends from those young girls. Most of them surely were only mere popular misconceptions, but some of them were true. Or at least there were some truth in those rumors. I knew that.
Sherinna was still waiting or better she was still staring at me. I realized my hands were completely covered by ice, a remain of my "dream". I opened my self to Saidar, all Light power flew in me. I felt so alive I would like to cry. Might, beauty, sweetness, strength, everything in me and me in everything. I can't describe it in a better way. I wish I could, but how can I describe the Light itself burning inside your body and your mind? I can't. I drew a couple of fluxes and melted the ice covering my arms. No waterdrops fell on my linen sheets, I vaporized them, one by one. That was so simple, so natural. Using the One Power sharpened my sense and gave me the capabilty to do everything I wanted. And I wanted more, day after day, night after night I wanted more... and I would have had more.
"You dreamt againg last night, didn't you?", asked Sherinna.
"As every night before the last and every night is going to come, I suppose", that was the customary answer I gave each morning. "And yes, I learnt something new, but unfortunately nothing I can spare you. I'm sorry, but it would call for too much power. You still couldn't manage it. I'm sorry Sherinna".
"Well, nothing matter. I doubt I'll ever be able to manage half the Power you can work with now. You teached me everything you can, and I'll never forget this. And I will never forget you. And... I will miss you, Aylee.", I knew what Sherinna was to tell me. "Are you sure? Would you really leave? The Amyrlin...".
"The Amyrlin is a wise woman. She will agree to my request. And how many time should we come again on this point? I thought you were on my side. You know I can't do otherwise. I need to go sooner. I need to go now.", I didn't want to talk about that with Sherinna. I would have missed her too, but my decision was irrevocable, rather, it was a necessity. "Well, let me wash and I'll be ready to face the council. Give me just a few minutes.". She went out, without saying any words. She was a good friend and a powerfull Aes Sedai. She would have understood had ever she hadn't done yet.
After having dressed up, Sherinna drove me to meet the Amyrlin. I was calm, maybe beacuse I was on the right or maybe because I was thinking of being out of that old cage, searching for the truth waiting for me.
The door of the Amyrlin's study nearly popped up in front of me, as I was completely lost in my thoughts. There I was. My life would have been changed in no more than an hour. Sherinna was looking at... nearly staring. She also knew that day could have been my last day in the Tower. My last day with her. Se didn'd speak, just nodded and smiled at me. Nevermore I've ever seen a so sad and lovely smile at the same time. My time had arrived, I had to face the Amyrlin and the whole coucil of Sitters...
... I opened the door and entered the room. With my astonishment, no Sitters were there. Only the Amyrlin Seat was waiting for me, reading some letters coming from all the known world.
"I'm here to serve you, Mother, Light willing.". Words came out from my mouth so easily. I knew Rama Eswoon (that was the amyrlin's name) since she was a child and I was stil thinking about her as a daughter, but there were still laws to follow. She was the Amyrlin Seat, the most powerfull woman all over the world.
"Don't be so straight, Aylee. I just told you, there's no need to call me that way, when we are alone. And now we ARE." as always, Rama allowed me to call her by name.
"I noticed we're alone. Where are all the Sitters, Rama? And most of all why aren't they here?" She should have known Sitters were required for such a decision! "We should have taken a move about me...".
"No worries, Aylee. The decision has been kept. I understand your eager to leave and, honestly, I could not have waited so long as you did. Oh, stop staring at me that way. This was the right thing to do, and I did it!", Rama's smile could have made even a stone feel glad.
"YOU did? What about the Others?", my question came out only out of curiosity, just to know the truth.
"Sitters were not so happy letting you run away from the Tower. They kept on saying you have so much to teach everyone. Each night you gain more power and noone has any idea why this is happening. Moreover, you are the oldest Aes Sedai has ever lived! Light, you should be... about... two hundreds and fifty? three hundreds? ... I know, you won't tell how really old you are. Anyways, yuo steel seem in the middle years of your life!". She was not frustrated, just she was telling the evident truth.
"This is why I have to go, Rama. I must discover where my power comes from and all the rest, too.", I was happy to be allowed to go, but still I remained as firm as I can.
"Yes, for sure, and you're free to leave whenever you want. But, before you go, I have to tell you one last thing. The Sitters wanted me to propose you an alternative choice...". That pause was not good. No good at tall.
"I want no other choices, I have to...". But I dind't have time to finish my phrase, as Rama spoke again.
"You can be the new Amyrlin Seat, Aylee. They want you as Amyrlin, and me too." Her voice was plain, firm and showing no regret nor any sort of despleasure, despite having just admitted to be ready to leave the role of Amyrlin. And gave it to me.
"I ... ". And again, Rama went on, without letting me either start, this time.
"I know Amyrlin Seat are not choosen depending on how much strenght they have in the Power, but I bet you can overwhelm me and all the Sitters linked together at the same time!" She did no pauses, not to allow me to step into her trial. "And you're wise... often. Whenever you manage to lower your temper. You could have been Amyrlin long time ago, but you refused. This time you are given another choice."
"And again, Mother, I will refuse this honourable proposal. My aim is clear to me, as my desire is. And, to be honest, I think no one could ever be a better Amyrlin Seat than you are, nor a better friend, Rama." I was stuck in my decisions but I still loved that woman. She was nearly a daughter to me, and I was to abandon her. But I had to.
As I finished talking, Rama crashed in a loud laughing. "I knew you would have refused, but I didn't think you would have been so formal. So, I won't keep on pushing you towards something you don't want. Then, I guess time to say goodbye has arrived. Let's make this the shortest we can, I don't want to cry!" But tears were alredy falling down on her cheecks... and on mine too.
That very same day, in the afternoon, while the sun drew long shadows upon the white bridge which lead out of Tar Valon, I left. I was not afraid, nor displeased. Finally I was starting my own trip, to discover who I was. To study whatever I had ever wanted to.
"I am Aylee Al'Enerith Din Shen, Aes Sedai of the Brown Ajah." I murmured. "And this is all what I know about myself... by now."
Aylee Sedai
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